Just look up.

I am still having a hard time right now, analyzing the future gives me a fret,
and hearing bad news blurring future even more.
my father message that mother is not getting better.
now I was like looking in the perfect picture of a happy future that starts shattering.
my sister always have goals and I saw how she is not giving up in everything like maybe giving mom and dad a good retirement house,
giving them a good vacation, a good retirement life.
she way better than me when hoping to a better future for our parents.
I always doubt what I can give for my family, when it comes thinking about them, dreaming for them I start losing hope keep being disappointed with myself.
I love them more than anything in this world.
sometimes I cannot look at them straightly because it reminds me how failure I am being a good provider and focusing on the problem or on my parents, in my job status, in my salary, or anything in this world doesn’t help me feel better I feel lost at the moment.
i look left, right and down for the answer to keep me being still
but the only answer I can find when looking up and see how vast the sky is and how colossal the universe behind the clouds.
in the morning there were sun and at night there were stars
i think it’s God reminding me he will keep my ways illuminated.
one thing I am always thankful is I have known God, giving me strength at devastating moments he always there to tell me
that maybe I don’t have anything to give but I can pray, and called me to keep my hopes up! and  to dream further for them, not for their future in this world, but for the future beyond
I started to pray for them like this since then that “God don’t take them away from me, from us? unless you show me a clear sign that they will get into heaven into their real home with you” and I realize that is exactly what he also wanted for them because he loves my parents more than I love them.
for now this is all I’ve got and the only hope I hold is not only a good retirement life, it is for them to have a happy life eternally on the other side.
I will not put a tag on this post because, just writing this as a personal journal,
but for my readers who followed me are also welcome to read this,
and hoping that will help them see a clear and dream a happy life beyond.
hope? some are holding onto it right?
it is not made here on earth, actually the hope we getting here are partial so we need to look beyond on something unseen where hope is made and where hope is full,
you may not understand it now but I hope someday you’ll do
and tell your self “that what she meant, when she says…”
its me again being so deep over stuff.

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Just look up.

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