Feeling this day.

I made a big mistake this morning, I felt so ashamed, a spiritual failure, a wicked woman
I need to admit because if Im not going too,
I will carry this burden and let the pride blinded me.
Warning! Do not try this at home!
i’m going to say it, *deep breath*
me and my sister fighting over clothes early this morning, and out of overwhelming aggravation
i was so irritated with her for she keeps fueling up the bad day i was having.
so i pick and break a clothes hanger like how hulk could break those tree branches in the movie Avengers
and flung about three pieces of clothes in our kitchen
some few pieces of those clothes just hit a drinking glass from the table and so it fell into the ground and broke it.
i am worried not only of the things i broke this morning, Im also worried how i make people i love deeply wounded by my behavior,
I know my Family is God-given authority and they deserves to be honored and respected.
I have never thrown any object across our house for dramatic emphasis in my life!,
also shocked with myself of what happened maybe this is the reason why sometimes my subconscious always telling me to rather walk out
in the middle of overwhelming situation than to face it let myself outburst
i don’t like myself when outbursting.
sometimes i always asked myself after
“Who is her?” I was…by none other than the monster called MY SELF.
it reminded me that my real mistake is I failed putting God in the center, I put my selfishness by throwing things just to win the argumentation.
this morning on my way to work,
i was so disappointed with myself, depressed at the same way this make me
Sometimes i still hate her really! inspite the fact i already forgiven myself after Christ renewed her year ago
Like my qoute before i met Christ when things like this was occurring i tell myself
“She solemnly swear she is  up to no good!”
until God’s love just change her heart and make her realized her true worthy when a man died on the cross for her, and loved her inspite of being a failure person
I dont know exactly what to do
so i open my bible Apps and hoping God would talked to me through His words
and was surprise of what I get
” Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair,
of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel; But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God”.
-1peter 3:3-4
i understand that i should not fighting with my sister over shallow things like
“clothes” i should set my mind that God, my sister and my family is more way important than things.
upon digging deeply to my bible, (“because im not contented with what i only read”)
God ministered me again by this verse
“Be angry but do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
nor give a place to the devil
let all bitterness, wrath, anger clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you”
sometimes reading bible doesn’t make me less a sinner, it makes me realize my soul is bankrupt,
in this situation myself cannot help myself,
only the goodness of God inspire me to surrender pride for exchange of peace and Love,

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Feeling this day.

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